Embarrassing confession of the day

I have dreamed about being pregnant (and a mother) for years. Here’s the embarrassing part – more than once I have stuck out my stomach in the mirror to try to see what I would look like pregnant. OK fine, I’ve also stuck a small pillow in my shirt before. I’m not proud to admit it, but seriously who hasn’t at one point or another? :)

Don’t worry, there is a point to this story: I always thought I would be so excited to have a cute baby bump. In fact I couldn’t wait to have one. So it came as a shock to me that my reaction to my growing belly was less than enthusiastic.

At first I was horrified by it. I kept telling myself that it was too early to already have a little bump. And then it was too early to need a bella band. The bigger my tummy got, the worse I felt.

It’s hard to explain why this bothers me. I’m just now beginning to understand myself. The obvious reason is that I’m just insecure with my new body.

But I think there's more to it than that. I think the root of my insecurity is that I’ve been comparing myself to everyone else. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I’m reminded that so and so wasn’t this big at 15 weeks and I feel like there’s something wrong with me.

Of course this is ridiculous. First, I’m only remembering the people who didn’t show right away. I have plenty of friends who showed early. But most importantly, it shouldn’t matter if I’m bigger or smaller than someone else because every person and pregnancy is different.

I realized tonight that I need to stop comparing myself and just go with the flow. If I can do this, I think I will have a much happier pregnancy. And that’s the ultimate point of this post – to remind myself of this promise when I’m feeling low. And we all know admiting you have a problem is the first step :)

15 Week update

Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs.

Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds.

Finally, if you have an ultrasound this week, you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. Nailing down your baby's sex depends on the clarity of the picture and on your baby's position. He or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way as to "hide the goods.")

14 Week update

This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.

In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces.

His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active.

Stopping to catch our breath

Last night Allen and I returned home from our third trip in five weeks. Let me say that again: THREE TRIPS IN FIVE WEEKS. We were out of town for 16 out of the last 39 days. “Are you crazy?” you might ask. The short answer is simply yes.

In the beginning of August we spent three days in Chicago visiting my cousin Martha. The next week we drove to Gulf Shores, AL to spend a week on the beach with my family. Aside from the jelly fish, the trip was awesome. And finally, we went to WI to visit our good friends Mark and Chris Keller and their adorbale girls Katie and Alyssa.

In total, we spent approximately 53 hours in our car and traveled more than 3,050 miles. That is a lot of quality bonding time :)

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to complain. We had so much fun on these trips and we’re so fortunate to be able to take them. When we planned the trips this past winter and spring, we knew we were planning a busy schedule. What we did not know is that I would be pregnant at the time (which has included back pain that is aggervated by sitting for long periods of time).

Needless to say, we’re happy to be home and not planning any other trips beyond Cape Girardeau for the remainder of my pregnancy. (Well except for Allen’s trip next weekend to Vegas, but that does not include me.)

And now the nesting begins. With my energy returning, I have an overwhelming desire to clean and organize. I didn’t think this was suppose to happen until later in the pregnancy, but it’s already in full gear. I cannot begin to imagine how much I will be able to accomplish in six month if this keeps up!

So that’s what we’ve been up to lately. I hope you enjoyed your summer and found time to rest and relax.

13 Week update

Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head -- which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce. As you start your second trimester, most of your baby's critical development will be completed and your odds of miscarriage drop considerably.

Crazy pregnancy dreams

I’ve always heard that pregnant women have crazy dreams and honestly this scared me. See I’ve always had crazy dreams – we’re talking dreams with long, drawn-out plots, characters, challenges – you name it. Many times my dreams are like watching a movie, only I’m participating in it. They’re that vivid. So I was a little concerned about how much more intense (read crazy) they would become.

Well let me just tell you they are beyond crazy now. In the last week I have dreamt that I became friends with the Obama family after being promoted to personal family assistant and that I battled the Wicked Witch of the West for control over Emerald City. Really, where do I come up with these things? Of course, neither of those top my dream from last week where I had a hot make out session with with a steamy, all-American man named Soy Shibon (the name cracks me up). Granted, this was a guy I did not recognize so Allen did not mind.


Last night’s dream had perhaps the most bizarre plot. It took place in the 70s and I was a young (maybe 13 year old) boy. Side note: I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen myself as a boy in a dream – how weird is this? Anyways, I had a gun that was not ordinary gun -- it could transport you throughout time. Long story short, two men were trying to get the gun and eventually broke into my parents’ house (but they were not my real parents) and stole it. I was worried about the fate of the world. Seriously, that dream was f’d up.

Since my dreams appear to be becoming more and more bizarre, I figured I would share them on here for your amusement. I hope you enjoy :)

Love at first sight

We had our 12 week ultrasound this week. It was amazing. First, the important stuff: The baby is doing great. The heart beat was 169 and he or she is measuring three days ahead (which tells me the baby is going to take after daddy or the grandpas!) The tech did a lot of measurements and everything looked as it should.

The baby was especially wiggly during the ultrasound. In fact, it took the tech awhile to measure the heart beat because (s)he wouldn’t stop moving around. We were all giggles with excitement over all the kicks and jabs. I will not feel these for at least another couple weeks, but it’s cool to know its happening. At one point the baby was showing off and flipped around on its side like (s)he was posing :) We both agree that this is going to be a very cute baby!

I cannot express the relief I feel knowing that we made it pass the 12 week mark and everything looks good. I have been praying for this since I found out I was pregnant. Now that I know everything is OK I am telling pretty much every one I see. I cannot keep it inside anymore. I’m too excited.

12 week update:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.